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2.01 |
Orphan of War |
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September 30, 1996 |
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"No Sleazy Warlords
who deem it necessary to drink magic elixers that
turn them into scaly centaurs were harmed during
the production of this motion picture." |
| Xena comes to the
aid of a community of centaurs menaced by a member
of her former band, and upon her arrival is reunited
with the son whom she left in their care nine years
earlier. |
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2.02 |
Remember Nothing |
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October 7, 1996 |
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"Xena's memory was
not damaged or ...what was I saying?" |
| he Three Fates offer
Xena the opportunity to erase her past — including
her brother's untimely death — but only if
she vows to never shed blood in anger again. |
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2.03 |
Giant Killer |
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October 14, 1996 |
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"No Bible myths or
icons were irreparably mangled during the production
of this motion picture." |
| Xena is caught between
a rock and a hard place when she's pitted against
her friend Goliath ( Todd Rippon ) in a battle between
the Israelites and the Philistines. |
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2.04 |
Girls Just Wanna Have
Fun |
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October 21, 1996 |
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"No Bloodsucking Bacchae
were harmed during the production of this motion
picture. However, a few Driads lost their heads."
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| Xena is forced to
take on the Bacchae — bloodthirsty minions
of the wine god, Bacchus ( Anthony Ray Parker )
— to get to their power-hungry leader and foil
his plan to take over the world. |
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2.05 |
Return of Callisto |
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October 28, 1996 |
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"Although Xena finally
conquered her dark nemesis Callisto, it took her
weeks to get the sand out of her leather unmentionables."
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| Gabrielle's consumed
by a desire for vengeance after an escaped Callisto
murders her beloved, Perdicas ( Scott Garrison ),
in an attempt to punish Xena. |
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2.06 |
Warrior...Princess...Tramp |
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November 4, 1996 |
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"Neither Xena nor her
remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana,
were harmed during the production of this motion
picture. Meg, however, suffered minor injuries
while preparing Aardvark nuggets for King Lias."
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| Lucy Lawless takes
on triple duty as the Warrior Princess tries to
protect a look-alike, Princess Diana, from the machinations
of another Xena look-alike, a trollop named Meg.
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2.07 |
Intimate Stranger |
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November 11, 1996 |
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"Argo was not harmed
during the production of this motion picture.
However, she is undergoing intensive psychotherapy
to help her work through her resentment and feelings
of distrust toward Xena." |
| Xena's life takes
a nightmarish turn when Callisto (Hudson Leick)
escapes from the Underworld by infiltrating her
dreams. |
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2.08 |
10 Little Warlords |
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November 18, 1996 |
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"No one was harmed
during the production of this motion picture.
However, Xena's ability to recover her body was
severely impeded by Lucy Lawless' unexpected mishap."
|
| While still trapped
in the body of her enemy, Callisto, Xena is forced
to enter a competition where warlords vie to become
the new god of war. |
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2.09 |
A Solstice Carol |
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December 9, 1996 |
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"Senticles was not
harmed during the production of this motion picture.
However, several chimneys are in dire need of
repair." |
| Xena and Gabrielle
try to bring the warmth of the holiday season to
a cold-hearted king ( Peter Vere Jones ) who has
outlawed the winter-solstice celebration. |
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2.10 |
Xena Scrolls |
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January 13, 1997 |
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"No Hollywood Producers
were harmed during the production of this motion
picture." |
| In 1940, a determined
archaeologist (Renee O'Connor) and a visitor (Lucy
Lawless) to her excavation site stumble upon the
"Xena Scrolls," ancient manuscripts that
chronicle the Warrior Princess's adventures. |
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2.11 |
Here She Comes...Miss
Amphipolis |
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January 20, 1997 |
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"No ribbons were harmed
during the production of this motion picture.
However, several experienced severe motion sickness."
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| Disguising herself
as a contestant, Xena enters the Miss Known World
beauty pageant to flush out whoever is trying to
sabotage the event. |
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2.12 |
Destiny |
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January 27, 1997 |
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"Julius Caesar was
not harmed during the production of this motion
picture. However, the producers deny responsibility
for any unfortunate acts of betrayal occurring
soon thereafter." |
|
| After being critically
injured in a fight, Xena lets her mind flash back
to the time that Julius Caesar ( Karl Urban ) taught
her a valuable lesson about destiny. Part 1. |
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2.13 |
The Quest |
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February 3, 1997 |
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"Xena's body was not
harmed during the production of this motion picture.
However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his
swagger back." |
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| Conclusion. Xena's
spirit puts into action a plan that may allow her
to return to the land of the living and reclaim
her body. And Gabrielle is faced with a big decision
after meeting up with her old friends — the
Amazons. |
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2.14 |
A Necessary Evil |
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February 10, 1997 |
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"The reputation of
the Amazon Nation was not harmed despite Velasca's
overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid
belief system." |
|
| In order to stop the
evil Velasca ( Melinda Clarke ) from hunting down
Gabrielle, Xena must unleash an even more depraved
immortal to vanquish her — Callisto. |
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2.15 |
A Day in the Life |
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February 17, 1997 |
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"No Slippery Eels were
harmed during the production of this motion picture
despite their reputation as a fine delicacy in
select cultures of the known world." |
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| Xena has 24 hours
to prevent a warlord from plundering one village,
and the world's biggest giant from destroying another.
All in a day's work. |
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2.16 |
For Him the Bell Tolls |
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February 24, 1997 |
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"The producers wish
to acknowledge the inspiration of Danny Kaye and
pay tribute to the classic motion picture 'Court
Jester'." |
|
| While engaged in a
battle of wills with her son, Cupid, Aphrodite (
Alexandra Tydings ) turns Joxer ( Ted Raimi ) into
a dashing hero tasked with stealing a princess's
heart away from her betrothed. |
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2.17 |
The Execution |
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April 7, 1997 |
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"By popular demand
"The Executioner" will bring back his
comfortable lightweight cotton-flax blend robe
in a variety of spring colors." |
|
| Gabrielle is torn
between her hero Meleager, who's accused of a murder
she's certain he didn't commit, and Xena, who's
not so sure. |
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2.18 |
Blind Faith |
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April 14, 1997 |
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"Once again, Gabrielle's
luck with men was harmed during the production
of this motion picture." |
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| A warrior ( Jeremy
Callaghan ) wants to make his name by killing Xena.
He fails, but he succeeds in putting the warrior
princess in a blind rage when he kidnaps Gabrielle
and sells her to agents of a king — who, it
seems, needs a queen. |
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2.19 |
Ulysses |
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April 21, 1997 |
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"Despite Gabrielle's
incessant hurling, Ulysses' ship was not harmed
during the production of this motion picture."
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| Xena and Gabrielle
have a Poseidon adventure when they help king Ulysses
( John D'Aquino ) regain his island kingdom from
the nasty god of the sea's pirate henchmen. |
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2.20 |
The Price |
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April 28, 1997 |
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"To show sympathy for
the Horde, "kaltaka" was only served
upon request during the production of this motion
picture." |
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| Xena reverts to her
old ways to whip a dispirited Athenian army into
shape to take on a foe known as the Horde. But her
ruthlessness appalls Gabrielle. |
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2.21 |
The Lost Mariner |
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May 5, 1997 |
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"Cecrops' "Joie
de Vivre" was not harmed during the production
of this motion picture." |
|
| After a shipwreck,
Gabrielle finds herself aboard the cursed vessel
of the lost mariner Cycrops ( Tony Todd ). Soon,
she and Xena are confronted by pirates and the nasty
god Poseidon. |
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2.22 |
Comedy of Eros |
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May 12, 1997 |
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"No Cherries were harmed
during the production of this motion picture."
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| Draco ( Jay Laga'aia
) is threatening to sell some temple maidens into
slavery and Xena is trying to stop him. Trouble
is, she's also falling in love with him. Meanwhile
(and just as strange), Gabrielle is falling for
Joxer. |
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