The snow melts
The grass fades
And I pass
As all things do.
But time and love,
They go on.
Those words were Akemi's final ones while alive.
Akemi. I don't know whether to hate her or thank
her. If she had never sent word to Xena, then she
and I would be in Egypt right now creating a life for
us both. Gods, I can't believe that Xena actually
suggested settling down. I had always thought I
would have to fight her tooth and nail to end our days
of wandering.
Now....no. I'm not ready to think about that. I
can feel myself on the edge of losing it again, and I'm
sick of my eyes being swollen and sore from tears.
It just seems like a cruel joke that at the moment she
was prepared to give me one of my fondest wishes, her
past reared up to rip her from me.
This scroll was supposed to be about Akemi, and look
where I went. I was saying that I don't know whether
to hate her or thank her.
I wanted so badly to hate her the first time we met.
Not only had she broken Xena's heart, but, like Lao Ma,
she was someone who still had the power to make Xena leave
me. I wanted to hate her, I really did….
But then Xena introduced me as her soulmate. I
saw the same apprehension in Akemi's eyes that I'm sure
was in mine. No matter what she did in the past,
I could see her heart breaking at Xena's words. And
I realized that I had the better end of the deal. Xena
may have felt an obligation to help this friend, but Akemi
only had her for a few weeks. Akemi had a hold on
Xena's sense of duty, but I am the one who holds her soul.
I have shared more of her life than anyone else
who has ever know her. How can I hate someone who
only wanted the same thing I do...Xena's love?
There's another thing that keeps me from hating Akemi.
If it were not for the tattoo she gifted to me, I would
be dead now. Yes, there are moments when I wish
I were dead. But without Akemi's protection, everyone,
including myself, would be a slave to Yodoshi. So
I owe her my thanks.
And that is why I can record her dying words. She
spoke truth at the moment of her death. All things
pass away. I've always known that one day Xena would
die. I just prayed that it would be years from now,
when we were old and grey.
Though it feels like the best part of my world has ended,
time goes on. The sun keeps rising every day.
The dolphins still frolic in the waters beside the ship.
The crewmen still scurry about their business.
And the love that Xena and I shared...it still goes on.
Marcus once told her that love was stronger than
death. Xena proves it to me every time I see her
standing beside me. Not even death itself was able
to fully tear her from my side.
~ Gabrielle
